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I am fortunate to have a loving, beautiful friend who also is really into “A Course in Miracles.” As long as I’ve known Annie, she has struggled with every job she gets – she feels that there is usually something wrong with it, which often leads her to bounce around from job to job. Jobs end up being loaded with conflict between Annie and her supervisor or coworkers, so Annie quits. Annie has been a Course student for many years, and at the point in time when these emails were written, I felt guided to confront her a little more than usual. The following emails below are shared to you with Annie’s permission as she struggled with her latest job – a restaurant job.
Annie’s writing is a beautiful reflection of coming to the realization that there is no fixing it “out there” – the change instead comes from within. Ultimately, we BOTH experience a gigantic miracle! Our correspondence will be shared over 2 parts. Here is Part 1:
Date: Fri, 25 Feb
Subject: New Job Ick
To: Corinne Zupko
Sorry to bug you. I know you are super busy. New restaurant job….is disgusting. There are roaches in the kitchen and they smoke in the upstairs managers office. I believe that I have to work and the small income that is coming in from this job is helping, but….it’s really not good for me. I do get called for substitute teaching, at least every Monday which is $65, but I receive the check weeks later. I know I need to change my mind about financial things, lack, need, etc. but…I’m not sure how to do that and do the Course. I know it’s “not real” but I can’t tell that to my father or the electric company… “Ah, those bills that need to be paid…bah! Figments of your imagination.”
Not sure HOW to look at it differently. You’ll love the response from my friend (in light of the fact that I just got back from Guatemala) – she said, “Think about all the bugs in Guatemala and how people live with them there. Think about what they have to deal with.” Well, I never saw a bug bigger than a freckle in Guatemala. Sorry, but my concern is not the bugs in Guatemala, my concern is providing a living wage for myself and keeping my sanity, what little of it that I have! Any words to help me?
Tootle loo for now,
On Fri, Feb 25, at 9:40 PM, Corinne Zupko wrote:
I have had a very busy week and upcoming weekend so sorry I haven’t been able to talk on the phone… Regarding work, this might tick you off, but I know at this point that you can take it!
All of these struggles that you have been having with work settings (or substitute money or whatever) are coming from you. They are coming from your own split mind. There is no “out there” as the Course says and trying to fix it “out there” like by trying to find a better work setting, is never going to ultimately work. Fixing it “out there” is a band-aid. I feel like work/money stuff has been a lesson that keeps presenting itself for you, and so I know you are willing to try something different.
You have to work from within. You have “invented the world you see.”
You need to own that to the extreme. That this is all coming from your own mind. All the figures (people) in the situation are coming from you. The cockroaches, the smokers. You need to own that. You “hired” them as witnesses so you’ll keep believing Annie is real. They’re ego devices to keep you identified with Annie, so you won’t look beyond her. Once you are really, truly, willing to take responsibility that you made all of this, then you need to be willing to hand that over to the Holy Spirit.
Keep taking this responsibility and really touching it. And then keep handing it over to the Holy Spirit.
Everything difficult that keeps coming forth for you simply where you are UNWILLING to heal. Read my blog entry on this: http://www.fromanxietytolove.com/i-gave-it-to-the-holy-spirit-now-w...
Work on handing your UNwillingness to heal over the to the Holy Spirit.
I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t leave your job. But the real work has to happen within. You can’t fix it or make it better “out there.”
That’s what I got for ya!
On Feb 26, at 2:19 PM, Annie wrote:
This is why I love you so much. YOU are HONEST with me, thank you. The truth is…I know I have created it. And…I must say….the “place” that I am in…is the total manifestation of what I think I am. Oh my god, I’m a dirty, smoking, cockroach….LOL…must have a sense of humor. I am operating from base level, bottom feeder, and on some level…feel as if i deserve all this. It’s familiar, dare I say “comfortable.” I WANT and am WILLING to see things differently, but have no idea how. All I know is “this” feels icky. My insides feel dirty, mucky, icky, and maybe buggy. If the work place is the mirror to my mind…the “place” needs a power wash, Mr. Clean, and some sunlight.
I know on some level a MAJOR shift MUST happen, but how? I turn it over….still feels bad to be there….Lesson….maybe “Annie” needs to stop choosing and reacting and let the Holy Spirit work within her. On some level I feel as if I don’t deserve good things, or money, or sufficiency. But….as I know to be true, I have everything I need inside of me, but it looks as if somebody turned the lights off and forgot to take care of the insides….ahhhhhhhhhh, neglect….my own neglect of MY TRUE SELF…..mmmmm, i think i got it.
But I don’t know how to “shift” this “thing” inside. But I can say for sure, truly, with total honesty there is a part of me that is so gross, icky, creepy, mean, unloved, uncared for, poor, and struggling. It’s my ego talking and I want the Holy Spirit to CLEAN it and make that false perception of myself something better. Inside job. Shift my mind, may the miracle happen in a Holy Instant…NOW!
I am willing to see things differently, above all else I wish to see things with love. I am a child of God, wholly loved, pure, perfect in thought, and a figment of my own illusion. Let me co-create something better with a HIGHER ORDER.
With all my love and dirty smoking cockroach thinking, (god this is funny on some level), thank you for being my COURSE IN MIRACLES FRIEND.
Going to “get this.” Please say a prayer for me that I can see things differently. All minds are one….so can I borrow yours?
Working on thinking I am a perfect light being but in the meantime think my name is Annie
CONTINUED ON PAGE 2