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Liz, I think after so long and doing the workbook lessons again I'm beginning to at least grasp where you are coming from- theoretically. But where the rubber meets the road I haven't a clue how to do all of this. I have a spouse, friends, family and work with schedules, plans and expectations to make and meet within all this nothingness that has no truth or meaning. How do you interact with any one close to you- much less to us, your students? If nothing you see, hear or touch has truth or meaning how do you live and find meaning in each day? Of course you go inside and commune with "self" but this life goes on around you. Write a book or do a tape... You are in an existence here and now. Create a picture of what it looks like even to be "present" with you when you aren't present but closed off inside. Not knocking you or making fun of you. But I'm really missing something here… - LM
The self’s life in the world is a projection of the mind and it is automatic. It is directed by the thought system in which I choose to center my mind: the personal thought system (ego) or the Teacher of Truth (Holy Spirit). On the outside, my life looks like a typical, ordinary life either way. But what is different is my internal experience.
When I am centered in the personal thought system I feel that I am in lack. The personal thought system teaches me that the way to fulfill the lack is to direct the self to get (whatever) to make me feel whole. “Getting” to fill the lack is my motivation for whatever I direct the self to do.
But when I am centered in Truth I feel whole and at peace. I do not feel a need to direct the self to get anything. So I don’t live through the self; I merely observe its unfolding story, without judgment. I do not have a motivation for what the self does. I just find the self doing what it needs to do to take care of itself and its responsibilities in the world.
What you are missing is the experience of wholeness that comes from an awareness of the Truth within. Until you experience True Wholeness you will look to the self’s life in the world as the source of your wholeness. You will have no choice because this will seem to be all that you have. You will feel that without you intensely directing it the self’s life in the world will fall apart and you will have no hope of wholeness.
You ask how I find meaning in each day. I do not. I find deep, rich meaning within in Truth. I do not look to the day, to others, to what the body does, etc. for meaning. Those things just happen. It is the personal thought system that asks, “Why do I do this?” because it is looking for what it can get out of a situation, relationship, etc. But centered in Truth I have no reason to ask “why” about anything because I do not need to give it meaning. I am already in True Meaning.
I am not closed off inside. I am open inward to Truth, rather than outward to nothing. This leads me to be truly present, because if I am in nothingness, where am I? Certainly not truly here!
If I am not present to Truth when I am with another, then I am present only to my own projection of them. From the personal thought system I do not experience another as they experience themselves or as others experience them. From the personal thought system we all see through the filters of our own separate personal stories. But when I am with others and present to Truth I am present to What is true in their mind as well. Only the Truth in each of us is the same (one).
You are trying to understand with the personal thought system’s intellect what you will only learn through experience. And when you learn it, it will be you that learns it, not the personal thought system. The experience I have now of the world as devoid of any meaning in itself did not happen through any effort on my part to experience it that way. It came as a surprise to me! Nothing on this path has unfolded the way that I expected. Nor has any of it come from me working directly on trying to make anything happen. My attempts to make things happen were always misguided and never worked. When shifts came they never came where or how I expected. Eventually I learned that all I have to do is to grow my awareness of Truth and to watch how my own mind projects meaning and makes the world that I seem to experience. So don’t try to be where I am or even to understand it. Instead, invite Truth into your awareness right where you are in your life now. Let It lead the way and all of this will unfold naturally for you.