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The Falling

So this is what it feels like to fall. To leap from a cliff not knowing how deep the water will be. This is what it feels like to drop.

I did not want this. I was happy touting faith and letting go as the only sane approaches to living in this world; I did not desire reasons to use them myself. And now, it seems, I have no choice. There is no going back this time. The rubber has officially met the road.

And though I say I did not want this, at some level I was willing to accept that I needed this. I needed to see where I was mistaken, where I was fearful, where I was resistant. It is as if I said to Spirit: “You can have that, that and that, butthis?! No, this I keep for me. I need this.”

But heaven help me, that is not how it works. We are, all of us, being called to say: “I trust in You and I surrender all.”

Even as I type that I get anxious. I fear by letting go that something bad will happen. My belief in my innate guilt is so thick and fertile that I am certain my punishment is inevitable. If I let go and give this to God, I will surely suffer.

Except that suffering is exactly what I am doing now.

Hold me. Remind me. Love me. I am getting there. Though my throat still tightens and my eyes still well up, I feel the gradual easing of my grip. I am almost there. Ready to leap, let go and trust without fear of falling.

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http://danielleboonstra.com

Tags: faith, fear, illusion, knowledge, love, miracle, perception, shift, trust

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Comment by Corinne Zupko on March 5, 2012 at 12:42am: I love you Danielle! xo

Comment by Danielle Boonstra on March 4, 2012 at 5:54pm: Thanks Cindy! Checking it out now.... :)

Comment by Cindy L. on March 3, 2012 at 12:09pm: I am currently re-reading Women Who Run With Wolves. It is bringing to light many of the internal elements of the female psyche. Coupled with my ACIM studies, it has been a very useful as a tool for peace. If you're interested you are welcome to check out my new blog at http://moving-to-freedom.blogspot.com/ I sense that you and I Danielle are both at some sort of crossroads in this illusion :) Love and Light to you sister :) Cindy

Comment by Cindy L. on February 24, 2012 at 10:57am: You write so elegantly...I understand the Fear of letting go...all your brothers and sister know the pain of the illusory world...stay steadfast in Faith sister...You are never alone and Remember the truth of who you are:

You are a beautiful child of God, perfect in every way and Loved exactly as you are.