My name used to be Fear.

I walked it, wore it, smelled of it, took it on as myself. I moved through life with hands held up as fists, swinging in the dark with teeth clenched and eyes narrowed. It was my way through. It was how I made it through.

But I didn’t move. I stood still, paralyzed with shame. I was ashamed of what I did, what I was, the words I spoke. And that instant was frozen in time, lived over and over again. It was all I knew…the guilt, the pain. It was all I…

“Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful. And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace. Our internal state determines our experience of our lives; our experiences do not determine our internal state.”

-Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love 

Fear…what is it? It can come in different forms: anxiousness, stress, uncertainty, sickness,…

I’ve never been to Boston. I’ve never seen its sights, soaked in the history, walked its streets. I’ve always wanted to, but haven’t yet. And hearing the news yesterday didn’t make me want to stay away, it made me sad, but it didn’t make me afraid.

“Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” Albert Einstein

And make no mistake, the events at yesterday’s Boston Marathon started with a thought of fear.…

This passage from a course in miracles struck deep within my heart.  Every time I read it, I take a big sigh of relief.  I loved it so much when I first read it that I wrote in on my bathroom mirror so that I could see it throughout the day and really let it sink in.  It is such a beautiful…

To love is to let be. It is an unending extension of truth that once felt is never forgotten. It is home. I see it in you and you see it in me.

And when I feel scared or threatened it is because I am holding on to something else. Something that may have all the looks of love but is another thing entirely. It is conditional, but that’s not even true. In truth, it is nothing.

And there is nothing to be afraid of. What I think I see before me is a sea of chaos and fruitless quests…

Come to me with secrets, with quiet guilty whispers,

head hung low, shuffling feet.

Come to me with stifled sobs, with naked shame,

and white teeth that bite your bottom lip.

Come to me.

Sweep your hair from your eyes,

steeple your hands in request.

Be willing.

Straighten your spine,

draw in a cleansing breath.

Be willing.

I cannot help you if you think we’re different.

You will not listen if  you see us as…

Heaven knows I have done it. Since a young age I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it.

For years it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could throw myself into, get lost in and block out everything else. It was a kind of mania. I was most certainly insane. And I was violent, if only towards myself.

And then later came a very restrictive food plan. To a person with a healthy…

This past month I got to read May Cause Miracles, the latest book by Gabrielle Bernstein. And it’s good…really, really good.

You see, like Gabby, I am a student of A Course in Miracles. I am committed to a daily practice of love and forgiveness for myself and everyone I meet. It ain’t easy, but it has been incredibly rewarding. This work lights me up, makes me breathe a little deeper and spurs me on to spread the word!

The subtitle of May Cause Miracles is: A 40-Day Guidebook…

I didn’t want to hear it. My brother sent me a text: “Hug Noelle and Ivan extra tight tonight. CT is the worst I’ve ever seen.” “I don’t even want to know,” I texted back. But eventually I did. I took out my phone again and went onto Twitter. Post after post about the massacre. One in particular read: “6year olds??!!! Who does this?” And then I lost it. I cried and cried until I was no longer crying about what had happened, I was crying from a place deep and buried. I was crying from a place…

And you cannot be anything but safe.

It is who you are.

And who you are beats strong and true

in, above and below the waves

of fear.

You are here.

You are near.

Though I cannot hear your voice,

my heart hears more.

Beyond the door

we are one.

In the suffering, the loss, the…

The calm is coming back…

I had been tense, on edge, impatient. I had peace too long I think. And when you have peace too long, it can be tempting to let the darkness creep back. Just to see. Just to see if it’s still there.

Well, it is as long as I believe that it is. And apparently I still believe that it is.

But I feel the clouds parting and the calm coming back. And the trick will be to forgive myself for forgetting again. I forgot myself. For a moment there, I lost…

Just for today I will commit to FUN…to laughter, to turning my face to the sun.

Just for today I will let go…I will breathe deeply, allow and flow.

Just for today I will see love in all…in the grace of a moment, the rise and the fall.

Just for today I will forgive…I will be a witness, I will live and let live.

And I will bring with me nothing but a willingness to see…surrender all I think that I need.

Just for today.

A way

To…

I have no freaking clue. That’s why I’m asking you.

Anyway, I’m asking because there are times I feel like I’m playing make-believe. And at some level I know that I am. From A Course in Miracles perspective it’s all make-believe, but because I think that I’m here and that I’ve written a book, I’ll go on.

I feel unworthy. Like whoa. Who the heck am I to think I can just waltz into some contest and write a novel? And then get it published?…

This past year and a half has been tough. My husband and I have been to hell and back. We’re still making random visits…

I won’t get into the nitty gritty at this point. Suffice it to say it has been the most difficult period of my life. I’m pretty sure Michael would say the same. At certain points we’ve lived moment to moment…day to day…week to week. We’ve survived.

There have been times when we have both wanted to walk away, to give in, to say goodbye. We’re still…

And I am. I feel a little silly even admitting this, but I am genuinely interested in what leads someone to conclude there is no God? But hey, what led me to conclude there is? Touché, inner adversary, touché.

When I hear about a friend or acquaintance who is an atheist I feel a bit like that married woman trying to fix up her husband’s single friend. “He just hasn’t met the right person. When he does, he’ll be happy!” OMG. I can feel myself mentally going there… “Oh, if so-and-so…

Original Source

Do you ever wake up feeling like fear is gripping you…

In this Interview Susan and I discuss Fear, Forgiveness, Happiness and a lot of of other things!  Listen to the Interview HERE and right-click on the link and select "Save As" to Download the audio.

A Transcript of our interview will be posted ASAP :)…

Let’s have a little heart-to-heart, you and I.  Let’s talk about who you are…who you really are.

You hear it over and over: that you are love, pure and simple. But do you believe it? Do you believe that you are one with the One? Can you embrace the idea that you are perfect, unsullied Spirit?

It’s not easy. There is a dark side that bubbles up like a cauldron of shame every now and then. It is relentless in its threats to overflow and burn all in its wake. It is insistent on…