I’ve never been to Boston. I’ve never seen its sights, soaked in the history, walked its streets. I’ve always wanted to, but haven’t yet. And hearing the news yesterday didn’t make me want to stay away, it made me sad, but it didn’t make me afraid.

“Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” Albert Einstein

And make no mistake, the events at yesterday’s Boston Marathon started with a thought of fear.…

This is where the faith comes in.

In the cackling whispers of doubt

where all you do is dumb, dim, fruitless.

You can do this.

You can loosen your grip,

and you won’t trip.

We won’t let you.

This is where the faith comes in.

When the path ahead is shapeless shadows,

and every move you make is quick, sharp, breathless.

You can do this.

You can put your hand to your heart;

you can start.

We’re here with…

To love is to let be. It is an unending extension of truth that once felt is never forgotten. It is home. I see it in you and you see it in me.

And when I feel scared or threatened it is because I am holding on to something else. Something that may have all the looks of love but is another thing entirely. It is conditional, but that’s not even true. In truth, it is nothing.

And there is nothing to be afraid of. What I think I see before me is a sea of chaos and fruitless quests…

Come to me with secrets, with quiet guilty whispers,

head hung low, shuffling feet.

Come to me with stifled sobs, with naked shame,

and white teeth that bite your bottom lip.

Come to me.

Sweep your hair from your eyes,

steeple your hands in request.

Be willing.

Straighten your spine,

draw in a cleansing breath.

Be willing.

I cannot help you if you think we’re different.

You will not listen if  you see us as…

I’m rolling through the rough stuff, carrying habits in my hair.  Which one will I reach for?  The food?  The tantrum? The runaway?

Maybe this time, the Light.

I don’t want to to look, have trouble letting go.  And patiently the Light just waits.  It knows me, sees me, pulls me close and whispers: “You’re ok.” I need that.  I need to be told I’m ok.  Because I don’t always feel it.

But this time, the Light.

And I can remember my safety.  I don’t have to look for…

Three things I know about pain:

1) It’s a call for healing.

2) It’s a call for change

3) You cannot compare yours to someone else’s.

Three things I’ve tried to do about my pain:

1) Ignore it

2) Wallow in it

3) Compare it

Everything that has brought suffering in my life has been, ultimately, good.  I have planted roots with it, reached out and up, scaled new horizons of who I am.  In short, I have grown.

Pain is being pushed into…

So this is what it feels like to fall. To leap from a cliff not knowing how deep the water will be. This is what it feels like to drop.

I did not want this.  I was happy touting faith and letting go as the only sane approaches to living in this world; I did not desire reasons to use them myself.  And now, it seems, I have no choice.  There is no going back this time.  The rubber has officially met the road.

And though I say I did not want this, at some level I was willing to…

I opened up.  And all those things I hid for so long came out, came pouring out.  I just kept talking for fear of stopping and not saying it all.  I just kept going.  It was awkward and it was strained, but that’s how freedom starts.  There’s pressure, doubt, tears and then light!  It’s a gentle push that moves through slight obscurity…insecurity.  That’s the beginning of freedom.

I opened up.  And somehow the secrets became silly.  It’s not that I’m silly, or that my feelings…

Over and over again I see…who could there be but me?  Who else could change my life, my way of being, of seeing?  How could I look to someone else to do that for me? No, no…it is me and that is both daunting and empowering.  I feel unprepared and deliciously excited all at the same time! There is much for me to do and yet there is nothing.  There are many possibilities and yet there is only one.

Because even though I stand at the wheel, there is a divine & loving force that…