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Taking a break? Gimme a break!

Hi All!

After some intense five years of studying the Course and working my way through the Lessons at least three different times, going to classes for three of those years, and learning and enjoying it all so much, I found to my surprise that I needed to "take a break". I got to a place where it didn't seem like much was happening for me, in spite of all this enthusiasm, and I suppose some expectations came in there (this wouldn't be for the first time!) that I ought to be doing better, feeling better, and simply further along in the process than I really felt.

After some weeks of being busy with other things (my life as it is), I found I was falling into a very familiar old place of wanting to control things, not being at peace, being critical of others, and all sorts of yucky stuff even I could tell was NOT where I wanted to be! Ever so gently, I picked up the book again, and am SO grateful to find such a lot of comfort there, and clarity of the sort I know I really need, but you know, that old ego wants to keep me believing I can really do this alone! The comfort is what saves me. It just doesn't seem to come from anywhere else but there. I'm very tired of trying to find it in a world where it just isn't there.

So now I want to slow down with Acim, go gently--just take it in the small doses I can manage, and ask for help in not judging myself or others, and KNOW, I cannot do this alone!

Any comments, insights, help from anyone here would be most welcome.

Blessings in love,

Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Warren Cotton on April 22, 2012 at 8:09am

"...you cannot distinguish between advance and retreat. Some of your greatest advances you have judged as failures, and some of your deepest retreats you have evaluated as success." (T-18.V.1:5-6)

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 22, 2012 at 8:58am

Yes, thanks Warren. :-) So true!

~Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Corinne Zupko on April 22, 2012 at 4:53pm

Hi Shelagh!
You "chose once again." :) How beautiful to be learning that we can't do this alone! It takes a while to sink in, doesn't it? That is at least how it has been for me. I finally am remembering in the midst of the busyness that I can ask for help.

Today, the most wonderful thing happend. I was an at event and I sat diagonally across from someone I haven't seen in a while. I couldn't remember her name, I was completely drawing a blank. I was trying to figure it out by myself for about 20 minutes. Then I remembered to ask the Holy Spirit. "What is her name?" Instantly, I heard her name come to my mind in a crystal clear thought. I couldn't stop smiling!

I love the quote that Warren posted. I would also add, "A happy learner does not feel guilty about learning." Everything is exactly as it should be. ♥

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 23, 2012 at 6:39am

Thank you, Corinne! Learning to be gentle with ourselves--who could imagine it would be so difficult?! But it is the healing I need, and to know that much is maybe everything at this point!

:-) It's about trust, too--isn't it? Trusting myself. Trusting the Holy Spirit to show me.

I love your story about remembering a friend's name. How lovely that you remembered to ask the Holy Spirit.

Thank you, Corinne.

Blessings

Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 23, 2012 at 6:52am

Thank you Suzanne!

I feel you know me quite well in all you have said here! What it is I need! I love the suggestion that if I need to set the Course aside for a while, I can find safe platforms in other teachers and disciplines for a while. I don't have to stop cold turkey! :-) I have to laugh at myself at the way I think things are so black and white sometimes. Either I'm doing really well or I don't do it at all, sort of thing!

Yes, I have heard of Nouk Sanchez and know she has a book I've been meaning to read for a while--this is obviously "coming my way" now and I will check that out.

Sometimes I turn to poetry to bring me "back to the sacred:--especially nature poets like Mary Oliver. And yes, walking in a nearby park is always a centering thing for me.

But I love that you have reminded me of so many resources out there, directly associated with the Course, or something close.

Thank you,

Suzanne! Thank you!

Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 23, 2012 at 10:49am

Shakespeare--oh yes! The language and the wisdom.

Happy Shakespeare's birthday, btw. It's today! (April 23rd) I know Ken Wapnick has some books that refer to Shakespeare's language in the Course. A treat in store, too...

:-)

Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Corinne Zupko on April 27, 2012 at 5:57pm

How funny that you're talking about Shakespeare - on one of our recent study group calls we were talking about Shakespeare and how he knew what he was talking about! The world is all "much ado about nothing!" :)

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 28, 2012 at 8:27am

HI Corinne!

Yes, it seems Shakespeare had some amazing insights--it's no wonder he's been a source of interest to Ken Wapnick, too! No wonder people want to know who he really was. There's a very fine BBC program called In Search of Shakespeare, hosted by Michael Woods, that goes a long way towards making sense of his life and work, but still, inevitably relying on a certain amount of speculation in the absence of hard evidence. It was aired as a four-part series, and is available on dvd if anyone is interested. :-)

Here's my favorite quote: "To thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day, thou can'st not then be false to anyone." Fits well with Acim, too! :-)

Perhaps our whole journey is from that which is not-self to the true self. I know this is my deepest desire, but admittedly there's a great deal of shall we say, interference?

Best,

Shelagh

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Permalink Reply by Corinne Zupko on April 28, 2012 at 10:46am

That's beautiful Shelagh! Great quote!

You're also making me think about our UNwillingness to heal which is what we perceive as interference, and that is another important thing we need to look at with the Holy Spirit! I wrote a blog post on it if you're interested - it is HERE.

I'll have to check out the Shakespeare series - thank you!!

Warmly, Corinne

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Permalink Reply by Shelagh Cosgrove on April 28, 2012 at 8:44pm

Thanks Corinne!

I read your blog, and it is very helpful. A reminder that I keep needing to be reminded of! :-) Let go and let God, as they say in the 12-step program--or let go and let HS. Struggle itself should be my reminder--oh yes, I could let Holy Spirit take this for me. Recently I was in a lot of pain (again!) about a person at work I don't get along with--so I turned to Acim,and found a lovely prayer: "Holy Spirit, carry me across..." I used it all day practically, and while nothing changed with the other person, I felt at peace. :-) So simple. Maybe not easy, but it is simple.

Thanks again,

Shelagh